Strange Band Merchandise

It's been a tough few years for rockers. Illegal downloading, major labels vanishing and X-Factor style acts dominating the charts means that bands have had to diversify to survive. At one time you were lucky if you're favourite pop combo had a t-shirt or poster on sale when you went to see them rock your world. Now you're bombarded with a plethora of baffling merch, from air fresheners to household skips (we didn't find a band branded skip, but we hear Animal Collective might be releasing one next year). We've collected some of the strangest musical items currently on sale, and where to get them if you're tempted.

Owl City Footie Pyjamas

owl city onesie

Not sure if this singular piece of merchandise came about because owls are nocturnal (owls, night, sleep, pyjamas – you see where I'm going) or due to the electronic tweeness of Adam Young's musical stylings. Either way, if you bring a young lady home to stay the night for the first time, then emerge from the bathroom wearing your Owl City jim-jams and she doesn't run screaming into the night, you know she's the girl for you. (Source)

Rammstein Sex Toys

rammstein sex toys 

You might think twice about picking this one up second hand from eBay. To celebrate the release of their new album in the only way they know how, the deluxe version of the band's Liebe Ist Fur Alle Da (which we think translates as 'Bunnies Drink Tipsy Tea by a Pretty Lake') comes with a selection of dildos ("numerically corresponding to each member of the band" whatever that means), handcuffs, lubricant as well as the CD itself, which you probably shouldn't use for erotic purposes. All in a large metal flight case for easy transportation down to Cash Converters. (Source)

Metallica Monopoly

 Metallica Monopoly

Throw the dice and pass go IF YOU DARE. The loudest, nastiest, craziest long-hairs on the scene slightly dent their reputation by releasing their own version of the cuddly board game (and by cutting their hair). And you don't have to worry about your Uncle Simon sneakily nicking the Water Works when you aren't looking. The pieces and board locations all relate to significant moments in Metallica history. What's next Megadeth Jenga? (Source)

AC/DC Barbeque Cover

ACDC bbq grill cover

You won't be shaking the bits out of your BBQ all night long (which is a very clever if painfully delightful AC/DC pun – get ready for more) with this handy dandy cover that fits snugly over your grilling equipment while telling the world just how hard you rock. So take the Highway to Hellmans (because I like a bit of mayo on my burgers) and enjoy some Dirty Beef Done to a Treat and then protect your flaming beauty in a way only a true rock fan can do. (Source)

Kiss Mini Golf Course

kiss monster golf

Kiss are the true kings of insane band merch. There is not an item they won't slap their brand onto and shove on a shelf. So we have Kiss Ketchup, Kiss Coffins, Kiss Flash Drives, even Kiss Christmas Stockings. And while we realise it's not merchandise as such, special mention had to be made for the Kiss Mini Golf Course now open in Las Vegas. It's the golf course rock and roll built (according to the amazing promotional video) and how many people get a chance to roll a ball up Gene Simmons' enormous tongue? Plus we're sure there's plenty of Kiss tat available at the gift shop. (Source)

Black Sabbath Ukulele Book

black sabbath ukelele

Yes you've mastered 'When I'm Cleaning Windows' on your Uke, but where do you go from there? How about WAR PIGS! Yes! Eighteen classic Sabbath tracks tabulated for everyone's favourite tiny guitar. Feel free to drench yourself in fake blood or add some Ozzy style sleeve fringes to whatever you're wearing, if you don't feel your ukulele is quite metal enough. (Source)

Wavves Tobacco Grinder

wavves grinder

We don't know if their fondness for 'grinding' 'tobacco' has anything to do with their inability to spell their name properly, but Wavves let their freak flag fly with this practical grinder for 'spices, herbs, tobacco or whatever you have the need to grind up'. We think 'whatever' may mean drug leaves and we thoroughly disapprove. But we love the pretty colours and the cat thing pictured on the lid. Though, of course, we're completely mashed right now. (Source)

One Direction Toothpaste

one direction toothpaste

Not only are they unbelievably good looking, oozing talent and wonderfully nice, the One Direction boys also care about what's going on in your mouth. That sounded unnecessarily odd, but you too can obtain a blistering 1D smile with this toothpaste and toothbrush set, featuring their toothy grins on the box, so you know what to aim for. And you can tearfully smooch the box pictures once you're done with the dental hygiene. (Source)

Keane Tea Towel

sunrayteatowel xl

Do you know about GG Allin? He was a shock rocker who used to defecate and urinate on stage. Each performance ended in an empty room as the audience fled from his hate-filled punk rock followed by his inevitable arrest by the authorities. He always vowed to kill himself on stage, but in fact died from a huge heroin overdose, shortly after his final performance where he ran from the venue and into the streets naked and covered in faeces. In other news, here's a Keane tea-towel. (Source)

Cliff Richard Bingo Dabber

bingo dabber

Eyes down for a Summer Holiday! Sorry, that makes no sense at all, we're too overwhelmed and emotional by the majesty of this Cliff accessory. Though little is known of Cliff's personal dabbing, we do know he loves a game of bingo and we are sure he uses this tasteful and, most importantly, cheaply priced item when blotting out his numbers and giving the evil eye to that witch sitting in the corner who always wins and is up to something with the caller if you ask me. (Source)